Read Whitney’s story.
I am a deeply feeling person. As a child, I did not have the language or skills to adequately cope with the intensity of my emotions. I was an early victim of diet culture and quickly discovered that chronic undereating and overexercising provided blissful relief from the worry that constantly lived in my body. I became addicted to the feeling of numbness and superiority. I see now that my innocent younger self was just desperate to be soothed. I feel so much compassion for her.
Food and exercise were a source of deep pain and obsession for decades. I was praised for my ‘healthy lifestyle’ but was actually extremely sick. I was unable to genuinely connect or engage in my life in any meaningful way. I wanted to recover, I knew exactly what I needed to do to recover, but I could not seem to take action. After so much neglect, I did not trust my inner guide to keep me safe. I lived in constant fear of myself and was in chronic survival mode. I had very little capacity for my system to regulate discomfort, which is exactly what full recovery required. I was caught in an unrelenting cycle and could not see a way out.
Then, I found yoga.
I am a deeply feeling person. As a child, I did not have the language or skills to adequately cope with the intensity of my emotions. I was an early victim of diet culture and quickly discovered that chronic undereating and overexercising provided blissful relief from the worry that constantly lived in my body. I became addicted to the feeling of numbness and superiority. I see now that my innocent younger self was just desperate to be soothed. I feel so much compassion for her.
Food and exercise were a source and deep pain and obsession for decades. I was praised for my ‘healthy lifestyle’ but was actually extremely sick. I was unable to genuinely connect or engage in my life in any meaningful way. I wanted to recover, I knew exactly what I needed to do to recover, but I could not seem to take action. After so much neglect, I did not trust my inner guide to keep me safe. I lived in constant fear of myself and was in chronic survival mode. I had very little capacity for my system to regulate discomfort, which is exactly what full recovery required. I was caught in an unrelenting cycle and could not see a way out.
Then, I found yoga.
“I met myself for the very first time.”
When I came to my mat, I met myself for the very first time. It was a terrifying and sacred experience, and I wanted more. Yoga provided small opportunities to build self-trust after a lifetime of disconnection. I was able to slow down enough to integrate all of the feelings I had been avoiding. I learned how to breathe through discomfort, and gradually my distress tolerance strengthened. I realized that a fulfilling life required energy that I did not have available and started nourishing myself in a whole new way. I began to notice that there was a distinct pause between my reaction and my response, and finally started to take responsibility for my choices. I was no longer a victim. I became confident that I could handle myself in any situation, regardless of the outcome.
Slowly I was able to start letting go of those brilliant but harmful self-protective behaviors. The unknown felt wildly threatening to my nervous system, and the resistance was relentless. It was painful. There was anger, grief and tears. There was so much doubt. But there was also so much beauty.
I had become so untethered that I had to rediscover nearly everything about myself. I brought a beginner’s mind to every decision. What foods felt the most delicious and nourishing? What movement did my body crave? What clothes made me feel more like myself? How did certain situations make me feel? What were my values and boundaries?
I had to confront my people-pleasing tendencies, the part of me that felt difficult to love. The part that was desperate to prove her worth. I had to reassure and confirm with consistent action that I would never abandon myself ever again. I made a commitment that I would no longer let outside forces dictate my life, and that I would choose me no matter what.
This was not a quick or easy process; at times it felt near impossible. I felt so alone.
I was finally ready to find what true health could look like for me. I made the decision to hire my own coach and was astounded by the impact that being held so compassionately had on my growth. It became very clear to me that I was being called to be of service to others in this same way.
Allow me to hold space for you while you do the work of healing; to guide you on this journey back home to yourself.
Let me help you RISE.
